Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Crappy Mother's Day to me!

Ever have those times when you just freak out and you're not sure why? Like, the normal everyday stuff just seems like too much? The mess that was annoying yesterday suddenly makes you feel like the walls are closing in on you? And that whining child that you can normally deal with sympathetically, or at least with humor, just makes you want to reach in and remove your own eardrums? And the worst part is, that when you're feeling this way, it seems like you always will? And like you need a big dramatic solution to fix it? But there never is a big dramatic solution because it's just life? Yup, you guessed it. I'm talking about me. My weekend was pretty much like this, and you know, Monday and Tuesday. LOL! What a freakin' basket case I am sometimes!
I think that what may have triggered it was actually Mother's Day. Mother's Day is a pretty big deal to me these days. Growing up I hated it. I always felt that it wasn't fair that I was obligated to buy cards and things for all these various "mother figures" in my life when there was no actual Mother to celebrate. (Disclaimer: If you're reading this and are one of the "mother figures" please understand that this doesn't have anything to do with how I feel about you. I love you very very much but I just think that maybe you need your own holiday. Like a How-awesome-are-you-for-loving-me-even-though-you-don't-have-to Day!). So anyway, to be a part of the mother/child relationship is that much more precious to me now. And I want to make a huge deal out of it. But it doesn't work that way. You need someone else to do the tokens of appreciation because it really doesn't mean a whole lot when you show yourself how much you appreciate yourself. And my sweet wonderful Husband doesn't actually do "huge deals". I mean, I don't want to complain because he really is so great about telling me how much he appreciates me (which is a lot because he is awesome!) and he wants nothing more than to make a big deal out of my special days, but he has never really been able to pull it off. That's just who he is, and I love him so much and that's why I am usually ok with it. Plus, one of those aforementioned "mother figures" taught me that those big gestures aren't what's really important (bless her heart!). So usually I just tell him exactly what to get me and carve out a chunk of time for him to go get it. This time though, I couldn't decide what I wanted. I mean, if it's a surprise, it doesn't matter at all what it is because it's the thought that counts. If the thought is your own though, then the gift has to actually be good, right? And that's pretty tricky on our budget!
So to make a short story long, I ended up with no card, no gift, and a last minute, disastrous, brunch trip (picture a major blowout and nowhere to change her except the scary bathroom floor, among other disasters! Yikes!). And the worst part is that since there was nobody to blame but myself, I was that much slower in figuring out what was bugging me.
Something good may have come out of this though. I think I may have come up with a way to prevent this from happening again. I'm just going to make a list for Hubby of things to get me when I don't specify, and include instructions to always get SOMETHING (a steak sub doesn't count- yup, that's actually all I got one Valentines Day)! Then I'm going to email it to him because he always seems to do better when I communicate via email. LOL!
So, it's no big, dramatic solution, I guess, but I'm crossing my fingers and it just might work!


Doug said...

For the record, it was our first valentine's day and I was a broke college student.

I'm also sorry that it ended up so disasterous. I knew I should have at least gotten you something. You are the love of my life and the best mother I could ever dream of.

Gretchen said...

Nope. It wasn't the 1st one and you weren't in school. But I'm sure you were broke! LOL! And that's ok about Mother's Day. I think I'm over it. :)